In the Waiting

 

"Hear my cry, O God;

Attend to my prayer.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You,

When my heart is overwhelmed;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For You have been a shelter for me,

A strong tower from the enemy.

I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;

I will trust in the shelter of Your wings."

Psalm 61: 1-4

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Becket flew down from Portland on Saturday to see her Aunt Ann one more time.

Me and my momma last Saturday 💗

Waiting is never easy and particularly so when there is no "appointment" ~ nothing marked on the calendar. It is simply waiting for something inevitable, and what makes that even more difficult is wondering what the wait will look like. The mystery and uncertainty of it. (We, as humans, feel a sense of control when we can anticipate how things are going to unfold.) I have felt this anxious uncertainty for less weighty matters: as I waited in line at California Adventure to ride Guardians of the Galaxy for the first time. Exactly how scary will this ride be?

Ann/mom was transported home by hospice last Thursday evening. Everything went smoothly and dad and our family have been blessed by the care mom [and dad] has received from Providence Hospice. Mom and dad's home this past Saturday and Sunday was filled with family and friends. My brother, Michael had the idea to project slideshows from past anniversary and birthday parties onto the television for mom, dad and visitors to see. The photographs brought back many wonderful memories and Ann seemed to enjoy seeing all the pictures, as well as seeing so many of her family and dear friends. She was particularly moved when my cousin, Becket arrived at the house. She and her daughter, Colette flew down from Portland just to see mom.

All the hustle and bustle did sap mom's energy but I believe it touched her to experience such an outpouring of love & affection from so, so many people. Since she has been home Ann has definitely shown signs that her passing is approaching. Her pain level has increased to the point that hospice provided fentanyl patches to keep her more comfortable. She has had an appetite (and she even enjoyed a Neapolitan shake from In-N-Out Burger the other day), but yesterday we noticed that she had difficulty focusing while Alma, her caregiver, was trying to feed her. There are some other signs that point to end of life. However, the LORD alone knows the day and time of her passing.

We have experienced many "God smooches" these past several days... evidence that our Heavenly Father is very present by His Spirit in our sorrow and suffering. The reason I selected verses from Psalm 61 is because Monday was a particularly hard day for me. I think the combination of watching my mom declining and knowing what is coming, as well as reliving my husband's last days with GBM has taken a toll emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. It's just been rough. One of my dearest friends, Vivien called me at just the right moment and when she prayed for me at the end of our conversation she read Psalm 61. The psalmist put words to the emotions I had trouble articulating. I am inexpressibly grateful for God's Word and the solace it provides. I also praise God for the gift of special friendships. Loyal, compassionate and thoughtful friends are one of the greatest treasures in life. Amen?

Our family covets your continued prayers in these final days before Ann is released from this "birthing process" into eternity.

With a more settled heart,

Terrie

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also."

John 14:1-3