(Really) Trusting God

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

He says, "Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:1,10a 

I love this photo! It captures my mom's cute personality. (Easter egg hunt on Balboa Island circa 1988?) 

I realize my last post was a bit of a cliffhanger in that I asked for prayer for mom's upcoming MRI (March 15th), which we hoped would be read "stat" aka immediately. Dad received a phone call Friday morning from Dr. Kim's surgical coordinator informing him that the MRI revealed progression of GBM and to make appointments with her chemo and radiation oncologists as soon as possible. 😢 Dad and mom weren't given any specifics about what the MRI revealed so it's been really difficult to wait several days to see mom's oncologists. Fortunately, dad was able to schedule appointments with both Dr. Fong (chemo) and Dr. Chou (radiation) today.

I drove to Orange County to be with mom and dad and my brother, Michael also arranged to be at both appointments. There was much discussed between the two oncology appointments but the essence is this: From the MRI done in late January (which showed edema but no tumor) to the one done last week, mom has a tumor in the corpus callosum ~ center of the brain. It measures just under 1 inch in diameter. Due to its location it is inoperable and too risky for more radiation. Therefore, the treatment path is for mom to continue oral chemo, Temodar and begin infusions of Avastin every two weeks. The hope is that Avastin will prevent the tumor from spreading and possibly shrink the tumor. Avastin has no negative side effects which is truly a blessing. 

One of the most daunting things about a cancer journey is living in a state of unabated uncertainty. We humans love having a sense of predictability and stability. At least I do. 😊 However, in reality there is so very little we truly control. As one who has placed my faith & trust in Jesus, I know that He is God and I am not and yet....I struggle with trusting Him when things are out of my control.  

As I was driving from Menifee to Mission Viejo in a deluge, God gave me a "visual" of my struggle to really trust Him. (Hopefully, I can communicate this effectively.) I left my home two hours before mom's first oncology appointment to factor in the rainy weather. Her appointment was at 10:45. Maps told me I'd arrive at 10:32. I prayed for safety on the drive and I prayed to arrive on time for the appointment since it was so important. Did I trust that God (who spoke the universe into existence) could get me to Mission Viejo by 10:45? Yes. And yet, I probably glanced at the ETA on the monitor of my car every 15 seconds to see if the ETA was budging from 10:32. Ugh! Heavenly Father, I trust you but... 

I arrived in the parking lot at 10:30.

Granted, in the grand scheme of things, arriving on time for an oncology appointment may seem trivial. But it wasn't a small thing since God knew it was important to be present for mom and dad today. I am grateful for opportunities to love on them when they have been such amazing parents. Regardless of what the future holds I am confident that God is good; that He loves mom and dad dearly and that He will provide what we need when we need it.

Dad, Mom and Susan last Saturday on Susan's 60th b-day. Friends are such a blessing!

Praises & Prayers:

• Praise: My sister, Cassandra and her husband Gene were in southern California and came to spend time with mom and dad this afternoon. It was truly a gift to my parents who don't get to see my sis very often (and a very well timed visit indeed!).
• Praise: There have been a few more donations to the GoFundMe which is a great blessing.🎉
• Prayer: With that, please pray that there will be continued provision for mom to receive caregiving. At this point the funds will be exhausted in May. 
• Prayer: For mom and dad to feel the love and support of family and friends especially now.
• Prayer: For family who will be helping on Saturday at mom and dad's. That we would get a lot accomplished toward organizing the garage.
• Prayer: For Avastin to be effective.

Trusting in the compassion & love of the Father,

Terrie